My place

 Sometimes I just stand in the middle of the living room and just look around, in silence, I listen....I look....I breath....I feel....and I think, I do all of that in the moment. and feel how unreal this seems even after being here for 3 and a half years I still can't believe it. How I got here isn't how I wanted to get here. I got pushed into my own place before I was 100% ready. to a place I never thought I would live. life events made things happen faster than I would have liked. Of course, I wanted my own place but not here, not in this town but because of the timing I had no choice as where I wanted to be was way out of budget at the time and still is. but I stand in the living room with a mixed of emotions, of disbelief and a felling of relief that I finally have my own place even if it was in a way I wouldn't have liked. and no nothing criminal or bad in that way but someone near and dear to me passed away, someone who was my rock, someone I never had to live without was now gone someone who was my safety net. and now I'm here. thankful for my own place but wanting to go back to before this person's passing because this isn't how I wanted to get my own place. but life goes on and must continue, I have someone that depends on me, so I have no choice but to keep going, keep living.